The Parent Perspective - September 2007

The Parent Perspective is a monthly feature where parents tell us how their families navigate today's media-saturated environment.

This month's Parent Perspective comes from Nanami in Bonn, Germany. Nanami is the mother of Aidan (age 4 1/2) and Audrey (age 2):

Though they share the same adorable physical features, great senses of humor and never-ending supplies of energy, when it comes to media, my children could not be more different.

Aidan has always been attracted to anything with a screen. At 3 months old he would turn his head to see the television while I watched. Before turning 2 he would insist on being at the computer with me and was thrilled to see the images changing on the screen. As he got older, I noticed that if a TV was on in a room it was very hard to distract him from it. I quickly realized how important it was to limit the amount of television he watched. Now that he’s at an age where he also enjoys computer games, we have made it clear that he is allowed limited “screen time” which includes his time for the computer, the television, and his Leapster™ educational video games.

At times he can get very upset when he no longer has any time screen time left and will sometimes regress back to his 2 year old tantrums. I’ve tried to use those times to point out to him how too much screen time makes him feel “yucky” i.e. irritable and frustrated. With just a little encouragement he will find other activities that will quickly calm him.

We also have conversations with him about questions like “What are commercials and why are they on?” “Why can’t he watch a program that has violence or rude behaviour?” “Why is he so whiny after watching an hour of TV?” We ask these questions and try to answer them together so that he can understand why we make the rules we do.

When Audrey was born, I was worried that since she was a second child, she would be more likely to watch TV because of what her older brother was watching, or would beg to use the computer when he was on it. However, she’s never paid much attention to either of them until recently. Although we have lots of Dora the Explorer toys, which she loves playing with, she rarely will watch an entire episode of the show. Unlike her brother who will be glued to it until I ask him to turn it off, Audrey will walk away after 10 minutes and play with her toys or look at her books. She’ll happily play with her baby dolls for an hour or more whereas Aidan has always needed encouragement to play on his own for that long.

So I think, as parents, in addition to our ideals of how we’d like our family to use media, we also need to consider the temperament of each of our children. It seems to me that some children are more easily influenced by it and others have, perhaps, a bit more resistance to its powerful hold. For those like Aidan, I think it’s even more crucial to empower them at a young age with the ability to understand the effects that media has on them.

If you'd like to share your own experiences or suggestions in a Parent Perspective, email us at cmch@childrens.harvard.edu